arise_shine

still more confusion haha

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 12:36:56 GMT

ok,

after telling me 1) not to talk to her again, 2) i'm not the good person i want to be, and 3) she didn't deserve what i did to her, NOW she sends me texts saying she misses me....

WHAT?

not quite sure what i'm going to do, i'll have to think about this one. i know eventually i will reply but i just don't want to be angry and hurtful so i should probably wait.

the end

what?

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 16:05:17 GMT

i haven't updated this thing in forever...haha

life lesson #672

Don't meet people on the internet!

that is all

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 05:51:15 GMT

i'm sick of everything.
i haven't felt this way in a while.

gonna have to find some inspiration...i never usually have to look far.

sublime is really good and yes i realize how weird it is for me to say this

fire

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 15:59:47 GMT

i feel like this system and this society needs to be changed
i feel like i'm the one to do it.

(and when the sun is blotted out by your mouth, open wide....exclaiming that our hope lies in stagnancy and cold hearts. I will make this heart a beacon for those searching, still searching for truth)

finding my place

Sat, 16 Dec 2006 06:31:03 GMT

i remember waking to the sun that reminded me of you but now it's just a star floating far away.
have you been misinterpreted by evil men or where you ever there at all?
i know there were chills, i know there was hope
but now there is only a void to fill.
i will pave my own way and find my own answers
no longer will the views of one man build the framework for my existence
this is just a phase i find myself going through more and more.

my life

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 05:00:16 GMT

I'm realizing now that I'm never very descriptive when I update on here. Usually I hide the meaning in some partly artistic phrase which is something that really annoys me about other people. So, no more of that haha

With that being said, here is what's up in my life with a little bit of a backstory!

This year, I've found myself to develop crushes quickly without thinking them through. In turn, I've unintentionally hurt people and people have done the same to me. Though at times these situations were stressful I hold no resentment towards anyone. I guess after being single for so long you tend to bite at the first thing that comes along. This is not how I usually act and I feel silly for letting myself do so.

For some reason I really got into school and worked my ass off this semester. I really feel a passion for sociology and I have a clear idea of what I want to do with my life. Music is going to be a huge part of my existence...it has to be. It's one of the only things I'm ever serious about.

I find myself feeling more and more like someone is out there for me. As lame as this sounds I'm certain that the love of my life is out there wishing the same things I do. I guess I'll know when I meet her, but until then I'm not going to worry myself over it. If it is meant to be, it shall.

Mark and Jake are two of the best friends a guy could ask for. Simple as that.

Reminiscing takes up a majority of my free thoughts nowadays. I really miss some of my high school memories, not from school but extra-curricular. I wish I saw Jeff, Erik, Brad, Cody, Brent, Erin, James, Suzy, and Holly more. I shared some of the best times of my life with them and no one will ever be able to take that away.

The next three weeks equate to me goofing around and hanging out. I think I'm going to try and clean up the apartment and my car and myself. I realize I'm not overweight or ugly, so don't think this is a call for pity. I simply have a certain weight and health level I want to achieve. By the end of this year I will do it, no question.

As I see my parents grow older I learn to cherish every moment I have with them. They are truly my heroes. So many sacrifices have been made to keep me comfortable...I don't think I'll ever be able to repay them.

The future brings so much wonder and excitement. I have not thing to do but be thankful. Though my faith is not as strong as it used to be....it only takes a mustard seed. The "Christian" religion is pretty false to me. However, the presence of God is undeniable in my life. Someday I will find where I truly fit in in this whole mess.

Um...that's really it. Large post haha

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 17:14:22 GMT

we need to start a revival in our hearts....

this is so negative but i still LOVE it

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 03:56:58 GMT

Well some things never change...
You'll never see this face again,
I'm out sleeping with the stars in the shallow end.
'Life' ('love') is just a word I don't want to say,
I don't care if tomorrow is a new day.
I'll write the song again,
How about the one who thought life wasn't his friend?
Why would he want the words to be shared?
When no one listens, and no one cares.
I'd skip this fucking song
if you don't want to know whats fucking wrong.
Did you hear my acceptance speech?
I quit. I quit. i fucking quit
You don't want to know why i can't quite talk.
You don't want to know what makes my heart stop.

You wrote my requiem
with no words, no life, just desperation.
There's no truth like the lie I live
I'm a sinking ship drowning by a burning bridge.
There's no cure for the �Dreamer's Disease�
I'm a boat of false hope, lost at sea.

you don't want to know why I can't quite talk.
you dont want to know what makes my heart stop.

You say those fucking words, but what the fuck do they mean? Nothing.
Life is just a word that I won't say.
Love is just a word that I'll never know.
Life is just a game that I wont play.
Love is just a lie that I wont believe.

----o
oh american nightmare...you're neat

Allow me to reintroduce myself...(random thought)

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 15:46:58 GMT

I am Chris,

I am living, breathing, hoping, and loving.
The last two will go on forever, but my body will eventually decay and I will be placed back into the Earth.

In the mean time, I want to leave a legacy....even if it's only for one person. So don't be suprised if you find me giving everything I have to you (I'm sorry if it isn't that much)

THIS LIFE IS A WAR AND I KNOW WHO I'M FIGHTING FOR!

I will not hide from sorrow's blade for I have nothing to fear. The sadness and the pain are steps in a journey. Never again will I allow pain to triumph over hope.

worth the wait

Sat, 28 Oct 2006 00:21:34 GMT

please tell me this isn't another thing i can only dream of, the mere thought of you brings me so much hope. i'm strong enough to walk on my own but your light sure does make this life seem more beautiful. you'll find that i'm one of the most patient people in the world when it comes to these types of situations. right now neither of us knows where this is going but i must say, i'm ready for something wonderful.

until then, the only thing i have to offer is myself. (i'm always here and you're always on my mind)

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 04:16:40 GMT

oh gravity, if you left me alone would i stay grounded or finally learn to use these wings?
i'm a baloon tied to a string or (more generally) any metaphor for bondage
no one ever told me that a self-imposed prison is the most difficult to escape

......a silent creed, an assurance to myself

(everything to which i cling, i'll set it free)

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 18:09:58 GMT

my life is a cage surrounded by fire.

i'm exhausted.

it's my own fault.

i will grow stronger through this, i always do.

----------------------

"Open wide my door, my Lord (to whatever makes me love you more)
Open wide my door (while there is still light to run toward)

better

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 04:55:01 GMT

earlier today i felt heavy under the weight of things

i realize i'm not an idiot but keep me in your thoughts prayers

give me some time before i give more info.

love you all

:)

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 22:18:39 GMT

i'm a fucking idiot.

Sun, 03 Sep 2006 18:41:30 GMT

hellllloooooooooo good feelings!!!

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 19:04:20 GMT

"what frequency are you getting? is it noise or sweet, sweet music.
what frequency will liberation be? what frequency? what frequency?"

(definitely going to start writing anti-capitalism punk songs in the vein of refused.)

new fire is burning in me and can be attributed to many things.
life is beautiful.

-----

however, i miss my parents.
see them tonight!!!

PEACE

a while

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 15:29:25 GMT

1. new job
2. new place
3. awesome roomate
4. friends will be in town soon
5. school starts in 6 days
6. HOLY CRAP LIFE MOVES FAST

Still positive, still thankful for each breath, still waiting to fall in love.

figuring stuff out is neat

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 19:41:41 GMT

sometimes you worry yourself sick about something....

and then you realize that it really means nothing when weighed with the rest of the world

it's time i learn to be honest with myself

i was once capable of great things....i will be that way again

dreary days

Thu, 25 May 2006 21:42:14 GMT

I feel completely empty.

I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing.

So many things have changed in a short period of time. My body is stagnant and the rest of the world is working at hyper speed. I'm too afraid to take the first step.

Wed, 17 May 2006 03:55:09 GMT

-i've been extremely lazy these past few days
(it's not me)

-i'm fighting an internal war
it's bloody

-the past is so refreshing when recalled
i'll never have those years back
i want to make more memories, i want to fall in love with life again

:)

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 03:03:22 GMT

i officially suck at skateboarding....but it's still fun so all ya'll haters can shove it.

TON OF NEW MUSIC THANKS TO JAKE GOODNIGHT!!!!

my favs (in no particular order) so far:

Atmosphere
Killing the Dream
This is Hell (this band totally covers a 108 song and i love them for it)
Undermindeds
Cursed

Ronda is coming soon!!!!!
YAAY :)
fun times to be had.

nothing else new
out

zipppeeeee

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 02:44:59 GMT

school is almost over!!!!!

this summer = getting in the best shape of my life & doing my best to find a girl
(these two could possibly be intertwined???)

i'm not really sure what lies up ahead but i think i'm finally prepared to handle it.

lets make the best of this!

1, 2, 5 i mean 3 BREAK!

Where blood and fire bring rest and peace

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 19:03:32 GMT

Todays events have left me infuriated.

I'm honestly NEVER that mad. If someone were to disrespect me in anyway I was going to explode in a fit of rage and probably eat their face off.

Luckily I talked to my mom and the phone and she calmed me down. She's the only person who can calm me down when I'm mad.

1-SCREW J201
2-SCREW the Bursar
3-SCREW being angry :)

Time for a snack!

some thoughts for today

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 19:14:59 GMT

1)I'm in an awesome mood despite the fact I have so much crap due before school is over.

2)TO KILL is an amazing band and everyone should like them.

3)I need some new clothes or to actually start dressing like I give a crap. Lately, I've looked like a scrub 24/7.

4)A scrub is a guy who can't get no love.

5)I'm ready to start dating again. So if you have any vegan straight edge friends who are girls....holla at ya boy.

6)I hate burger king.

7)Farting is fun, especially when others smell it and they have no idea it is you (poor blonde girl next to me lol)

8)The scanner in this computer lab sounds like R2D2.

9)Star wars is the shiznite.

-out

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 03:17:48 GMT

ummmm...

i might be in a band?

this could be a pretty big deal actually. who knows...

(stoked)